Disconnected

I started to feel sad today, I had no reason to feel sad … it sometimes settles over me like a blanket.  Instead of pushing it off, or challenging it as I normally would, today I just sat and stared out my window … contemplating the colors in nature and why we say things like "I'm in a blue mood" … blue is a calming color …  So, why is it that blue is frequently associated with sadness?  Perhaps because we associate blue with rain.  I read that, in Greek mythology, Zeus would make rain when he was sad.

I love the colors purple and blue, in that order.  I love the way both deep purples and blues enhance the color of my eyes, so I wear those colors often.  I have loved these colors since I was a young girl, long before I knew anything of color psychology.  The psychology of color is interesting to me.  Purple combines the calm stability of blue and the fierce energy of red and is said to be associated with nobility, creativity, wisdom, dignity, devotion, peace, mystery, independence and magic.  Blue is said to be associated with trust, truth, loyalty, wisdom, confidence, intelligence, faith and spirituality … even heaven.  The color purple is well suited to my personality … a beautiful mix of calm stability and fierce energy that feeds my quest for spiritual growth and creativity.  I have also read that blue is ‘nostalgic’. It is a color that lives in the past, relating everything in the present and the future to experiences in the past.  This fits into my personality as well … though I am taking steps to stop trying to live in the past and live in the moment.

As I sat in quiet contemplation it dawned on me that I started feeling sad after I disconnected from a conference call.  It slowly registered, deep in my soul, that over the past several months I have felt as if I had been disconnected from something, or someone, significant.  Like the ocean, ever moving, the tides of emotions ebb and flow.  Less than two weeks ago I felt strong and powerful … and now I feel as if I have been disconnected from whatever had inspired me to feel strong.  I feel … lonely … maybe?  I am used to being alone, I actually enjoy being alone most of the time … this is different.  Is this lonely feeling an inherent part of feeling disconnected??  Maybe?  This is the point where the previous version of myself would have stalled and just let the waves crash over me.  Briefly, I admit, I was tempted to turn back to the past … a place I no longer belong.  I feel as though I can't move forward yet either.  So … … there must something in this moment that I need to pay closer attention to.  Isaiah is becoming one of my favorite books of the Bible … I just happened across this verse:  Isaiah 43:2 "When you go through deep waters, I will be with you."  Maybe, in this moment, all I can do is wait … to do nothing … to just simply be, have faith that He is with me and find the beauty in this moment.  I preach it often enough, perhaps I should begin to put it into practice.

If you find yourself feeling disconnected … take a moment to reflect.  Maybe you, too, just need to wait, have faith and find the beauty in the moment.

Be blessed