Beginning to date myself?? Seriously?

Originally published as a note on Facebook at 10/09/2014

Recently I read something that made me pause and ponder.  "If you were meeting yourself for the first time, would you like you enough to get to know you?"  Had I been asked this question back in March, I would have likely answered, rather emphatically, "No, I would not."  This really goes along with my thought that, at the time, I would have left me too.

This summer I spent time walking with myself along the river in our local park.  During these walks I would ask myself if I felt I was dateable (worthy of being dated) and then break down in tears because the whole experience of being suddenly alone and going through this divorce had shaken my self-confidence to the brink of non-existence.

I've spent a great deal of time rediscovering who I am, what I enjoy doing and reconnecting with God.  The process has not been easy, nor has it been exactly fun and it is far from over so, in the here and now, how would I answer that question?

I think I would answer "Yes, I would."  But what would that look like?  Where would I start?  I have taken myself out for lunch several times.  Lunch is easy because almost everyone I encounter is alone, just grabbing some grub between meetings…  The true test will be when I walk into a local restaurant after dark and ask for a table for 1 … Can I face the looks of pity with dignity and grace?  Possibly.  Assuming I can get past that step, what will I talk to myself about?  Anyone who knows me well is staring at the screen thinking "Woman, you talk to yourself all the time!  This is going to be a problem for you how???"  But seriously, think about this, I know all of my stories already.

I have conversations with myself every day.  How can I be a better friend?  How can I be a better mom?  Do single men who love God without reservation really exist?  How do I set my will aside in favor of following God's will?  What makes me smile?  What makes me cry?  What kind of features am I looking for in my next camera?  Where can I find an inexpensive piano and someone to deliver it to me?  Why do people driving faster than me seem to like hugging my bumper when they have the option to pass me??  Should I paint a spider web on my face this Halloween?  What subject should I write about next?

See, I know myself too well … I'm out of "getting to know me" questions.

So, now what?  Maybe I'll take myself to a movie instead…