The hug that helped heal my heart (or how God works through others)

Originally published as a note on Facebook at 8/26/2014

 

Several weeks ago I was rather deep in the “depression” phase of grief.  During this time I finally experienced the true magnitude of loss I felt with Elton’s death.  This phase was intermixed with pain and guilt.  I couldn’t avoid any of it any longer and the guilt, or rather regret, of things left unsaid hit me like a truck.  As part of the self-discovery journey that I had begun in March, I allowed myself to fully experience this pain.  Those who have experience it understand, but if you are lucky enough to have never experienced it, I’m not sure that words can explain it.

As I worked through my regrets, I realized that the grief I was experiencing was not only for Elton’s death, but for the end our marriage** as well.  I made a promise to God & myself that I would stop holding back.  I would start telling people how they had positively impacted my life.  One evening I put that promise into action.  I expressed my appreciation for how I have been treated by a gentle man and felt compelled to hug him.  I’m a hugger, it’s what I do, but I didn’t expect the healing that I would experience through his hug.

During that hug I was overwhelmed by a sense of peace, acceptance and a tender compassion.  I felt as if God was telling me that it was ok for me to ‘let go’ of the guilt, pain and regrets.  I felt a warmth fill me as God began to heal my heart.  Additionally, it gave me insight into why I had felt sad for so many years, and helped me learn another major piece of my self-discovery puzzle. I doubt that this man was aware that God was using him as an instrument of healing, but I am beyond grateful that he is who he is.  And I thank God for working through him.

We need to remember that our words and actions will impact others, and we may never know that God is working through us.  Don’t be afraid to give a hug or a shoulder or just a hand to hold – we don’t have to go through whatever we are going through alone and God doesn’t want us to.

** please know that Scott and I still get along very well and are doing everything we can to ensure our child is secure in the knowledge that we both love him very much.  I filed for divorce in July and it should be finalized in late September.