I
wasn't really looking for a writing prompt, however I couldn't pass this one
up. I couldn't even tell you any more
what led me to find it… Some thoughts,
once they enter my brain space, take up residence. This one slapped on a fresh coat of paint and
bought new curtains, apparently intent on staying for some time. I was going to write about the fine line
between introspection and rumination … until the dam holding memories of my
past sprung a leak again. I'm sure we
have all suffered both deep emotional pain and excruciating physical pain … for
some it is brief, for others it is something we live with daily. As I was trying to repair the dam it occurred
to me that maybe there was a glimmer of positivity to be found in those
memories.
Having
just experienced a bout of severe physical pain as well as deep emotional pain,
I'm going to go out on a limb here and say neither is worse. They both hurt. Much like "hard is hard" I think
"pain is pain" … they both hurt.
Here is the difference, in my experience at any rate, physical injuries
heal more quickly than emotional injuries.
Emotional pain may start by the words or actions from an external
source, however once in my brain, interesting things start to spin up. Instead of sticking to the "facts"
I start to rehash everything I did or said that may have caused the other
person to say or do whatever it was that they said or did that sent me into a
tailspin.
I
often feel overlooked and forgotten. I
realize that sometimes it actually happens however there many more times when
it is all in the way I am perceiving it.
I received a gentle reminder today that, very often, the people I
"think" are ignoring me are often going through something in their lives
that is just really hard for them and they are dealing with their own turmoil
the best way they know how. The reminder
came when I had no desire to talk, to anyone about anything. I knew I was in a foul mood and didn't want
to inflict it on anyone else. When I am
in these phases it is hard for me to pretend that I'm ok. Sometimes I muster a smile and respond with
"I'm fabulous!" when people ask how I'm doing. Maybe I do it to try to convince myself that
I really am fine and that I just need to get over my shit OR, maybe I do it
because if I start to talk about what is going on in my head I'll wind up on
Dr. Phil with a year supply of Kleenex. This
afternoon, when I was confronted with the "Why are you ignoring me?"
type question, it made me feel bad, which made them feel worse. It is a vicious cycle, really. When the roles are reversed, the emotional
pain this brings, whether my feeling ignored was due to something real or
something imagined, can take a long time for me to sort out.
This
past summer was marred severe physical pain, a story for another book. As I battled my way back to “normal”, I was
encouraged by the number of people who rallied around me. The pain gradually decreased and people still
ask how my recovery is going. Since I
am, for the most part, back to normal, it is easy to not really give that
physical pain much thought. Well, until
I step wrong or bang my knee into the door, then I am reminded of the
pain. Still, it is short lived. I can take a pain pill and go about my
day. Emotional pain is not as easily
remedied for me.
Bottom
line: pain is pain. Just because we can't see it or we don't
understand it doesn't mean that it isn't painful for the one working through
it. Be kind, always. The smile you give to another might change
their day in a positive way. As I was
surfing the web, I came across a verse that feels like it is speaking directly
to my feeling overlooked or forgotten: “Never
will I leave you, Never will I forsake you.” (Hebrews 13:5). It is such an incredible promise, and one
that I frequently forget. Being human is
hard sometimes. Then I find verses like
this and am reminded that I am not alone.
God’s promise is forever.
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