Being a co-parent is a
mixed blessing. My son, Mr. Man, has the
benefit of two families that love him … blessing. I get the quiet time that I crave when he is spending
time with his dad … blessing. I
sometimes feel incredibly lonely when the house is as quiet as it is right now …
not a blessing.
This year Mr. Man was with
me until about dinner time on Christmas Eve and he had a friend over until late
afternoon. Laughter filled the house as
the two of them opened and played with the gifts from my side of the family. I just sat back and smiled, knowing that the
house would be eerily quiet too soon.
Mr. Man asked me why there were so many presents under the tree for
other people … “Because it makes me feel good to give to others.” He looked at me and said “Mom, I didn’t know
what to get you, I hope that’s ok.” I
responded “of course that’s ok. I get to
spend time with you and couldn’t hope for more.”, he hugged me and went off to
play again.
I dropped Mr. Man off at
his dad’s place on my way to the Christmas Eve church service. Before I left, Mr. Man handed me a rainbow
poop emoji pillow, gave me a big hug and wished me a Merry Christmas. I love my child & have the pillow sitting
beside me as I type. As I was leaving
the apartment complex I noticed how pretty the pine trees across the street
looked. It was dusk and the light was
dwindling quickly, so I stopped and took a couple of pictures. I had planned to attend the Christmas Eve
service at the Presbyterian church just up the street and then attend the
Sunday service at my church – but I heard a whisper “You need to be with
friends tonight” so I went to my church instead. Pastor John delivered an interesting spin on
the Christmas story by referencing Snow White, Cinderella & Frozen … but I
got it … Once upon a time the Savior came to rescue me! Every time Pastor John said “Cinderella” I
heard “Minderella” (not sure when it started, but I have a friend who calls me
Minderella occasionally) and it made me smile.
We concluded the service with communion & singing Silent Night.
As I was leaving church I
suddenly felt very sad and felt tears begin to fall. What was this all about??? I held back the tears during the drive
home. Once my car was safely in the
garage I began sobbing uncontrollably and just let myself cry while trying to
process what had happened between communion and my car. Being alone on a normal weekend doesn’t faze
me much, however being alone and coming home to an empty house on a holiday
still has an impact. Then I remembered,
as I was leaving the sanctuary I noticed one of my friends in tears and after
verifying that the service just moved her I gave her a hug and left. It was shortly after that when the wave of sadness
hit me hard! I guess the catharsis of my
tears was necessary because I feel very calm now. I can’t help but smile when I look at my new
pillow too!!
If there is one thought I want
to leave you with it is that being alone & feeling lonely can be tough to
cope with, especially on a holiday. Let
yourself cry when you need to but don’t let yourself stay in that sadness for
long … find something, like a rainbow poop pillow, that makes you smile and
remember to look at it every now and then.
Christmas blessings to you
all
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